Today will have to be a quickie, which is better than yesterday, which was a no-show. My baby bear decided not to sleep AT ALL today, so I haven't been able to get away. Granted, she hasn't been fussy, just...awake.

I can't believe how beautiful my daughter is, even when she cries. Her blue eyes shine like glass, reflecting the light that she is always looking at, and trying to figure out. I guess light is one of the greatest differences between in the womb and out of it. That and the leg room. She takes advantage of both regularly. But I love to watch her sleep, with her legs all tucked up like a tree frog. It comforts me somehow, realizing that that is how she laid in my womb. What a gift from God she is...

Hopefully, this will soon become habitual activity for me during Tabitha's afternoon nap. I took her for a walk this morning, and she really seemed to enjoy it. I think she got a bug bite, though, on her left knee. This upsets me greatly, but there's nothing really that I could do about it.

Anyway, I must confess that since my declaration of two days ago, I feel sort of nervous about simply rambling through my daily blog time. I suppose that I will write whatever is most important to me on a particular day, so this time will be quite a revealing account of my life priorities. I was also thinking about telling some people in my family about my blog. But, I do write about my sex life on here, which strangely enough, I am totally comfortable sharing with my friends and even strangers, but totally UNcomfortable sharing with my family (with the obvious exception of my huhsband).

Here is what has been on my mind a good bit over the past week. A simple analogy, and one that I have never truly understood until last week sometime. I don't know what brought it to my mind (perhaps it was our bug infested shed out back), but I was thinking about Jonathen Edwards and his sermon "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" The most famous segment of the sermon deals with the analogy of a spider, and so as not to embarass myself terribly, I think I will have to quote the actual moment for accuracy and poetry's sake:


The God that holds you over the pit of hell, much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked: his wrath towards you burns like fire; he looks upon you as worthy of nothing else, but to be cast into the fire; he is of purer eyes than to bear to have you in his sight; you are ten thousand times more abominable in his eyes, than the most hateful venomous serpent is in ours. You have offended him infinitely more than ever a stubborn rebel did his prince; and yet it is nothing but his hand that holds you from falling into the fire every moment.

So, this analogy however basic it may seem to truly be, has never fully sunken in until the other day. I realized something about spiders that I have always believed. They are completely loathsome. I HATE spiders. I rejoice in killing them, I believe I would actually like to watch one burn to death in a fire. Call me cruel, but that's just how I feel. With that in mind, I now consider myself in the eyes of God. I am (or was at least) a giant, hairy spider. Nothing about me appeals to Him, I am a disgusting, bloodsucking, creepy pest. But...for some reason (which I now know to be the overwhelming mercy of God) I have not been cast into the fire to justifiably die for being so generally nasty and gross. And, it has nothing to do with me...and THAT, my friends, is mercy. Mercy like a flood, and it covers me now whenever I think of it. I think it must have been my own pride that prevented me from "getting" the whole spider analogy before. As if I, Taylor, could be compared directly to a bug. How foolish of me...and praise God for revealing the truth to me. Because now I can rejoice even more in the Merciful God whom I serve.

I love Jane Austen. I suppose every woman does...

In the case of Pride and Prejudice, I think what is so timeless is the unfolding of a true love affair. In a way, we all long for the excitement of love...the paradox of it. Lizzy Bennet is passionate in her search for the truth, and when she does find it, she is unexpectedly wrong about everything. However, there is grace for her in the eyes of the beloved Mr. Darcy. Yay for romance!

Well, my husband now has a blog...and since he is probably the only person reading mine, I will now take the time to pout. (The reason I am pouting is because he is keeping the location of this all-important blog a complete secret, telling only our infant daughter who can't yet talk) Life is so UNFAIR!! How can I go ON?? Not knowing all the deepest, most intimate details of my beloved's life is so unnerving that I just might not be able to face another day. sniff* sniff*
Ok, well now that THAT's over...

It has been a while, and as I said over lunch (perhaps to myself) I need to start writing every day again. Writing is such a simulating activity, though I really must guard from too much self-exploration. Not because I find myself boring. On the contrary, I am tremendously interesting to myself, which is the true problem. I am inherently sinful, and can easily convince myself that I am the most interesting thing I can think of...which would lead to immense pride and selfish ambition. So, instead I would like to write in order to explore and uplift other things, such as the Cross and the glory of my Savior, without whom I would never have known what a selfish, sinful person I am. And that, ironically enough, is one of the main reasons I am so eager to love and write about Christ. Because now that I know what I really am, the idea of Him loving me enough to die is completely mind-boggling. Much more worthy of in-depth contemplation than anything about ME I am quite certain.